Hymn of Thanksgiving (Becca)

All the following sounds should be heard from an adjoining room. The door between the two rooms, if there is one, must be left open. The room in which the sounds are made should be no larger than 12’x12,’ and have no windows and no carpet, but the walls are generously decorated.

Unless otherwise stated, one should assume all these directions immediately follow one another.

With a dull, butter knife, scrape the surface of an empty, oblong, porcelain dish with slight lip by quickly tracing a continual loop one inch in from the perimeter of the dish for seven seconds. As the dish is being scraped, gently place two piece of metal flatware on two separate, ceramic plates. Finish scraping the dish, then unceremoniously drop two pieces of metal flatware on one ceramic plate and run a butter knife, blade down, quickly but firmly across a separate ceramic plate. As this happens, have a generally soft spoken baritone mutter “Hey Ned.” Over “Ned,” swiftly cut the air with a closed riding whip; don’t let the whip touch the ground. Pause for half a second. In the far side of the room, decisively break a toothpick in half. Pause for another half a second. An individual wearing hiking boots aggressively stomps the floor with one foot once. Immediately after, another individual leans, palms down, on an already overburdened, 6’x3’, wooden table. Make three, nearly simultaneous, brief disgruntled grunts. Set two metal spoons across two metal bowels, 1/3 full of a porous, solid substance. Distractedly drop a set of connected, metal measuring spoons into the substance. Three individuals (an alto and two baritones) start softly muttering pleasantries over each other. Pull a metal spoon past a glass glass ¾ full of water, lightly brushing the glass. Set a small brick-sized block of plywood on a solid surface. Continue pleasantries for two more seconds. Another baritone interjects with a quick but assured, “Vut!” Starting gently playing a copper bowl filled halfway with water by tracing the rim of the bowl with a smooth wooden stick. Continue pleasantries for one more second. Continually intensify the playing of the bowl. With weight on the chair, rapidly scuff two legs of a four-squared-legged, wooden chair on the floor. Scrape a butter knife, width-wise against a ceramic plate, followed by brushing a long, loose “haired,” metallic brush haphazardly against the dish. Continue playing the bowl. Interject after three seconds with a one-second burst of more muttered conversation. After one more second, remove the stick from the rim of the bowl, and let the bowl fade out naturally for another second. Start playing the bowl again. Quickly set and remove your hand from a hanging, produce scale. After a second, have an individual start running a finger around a narrow mouthed glass, ½ full with water. After two seconds, begin scraping oblong, ceramic plates with butter knives like at the beginning of the piece. Again, have someone press on and release a hanging produce scale; make the action more decisive than last time. Stop playing the glass. Briefly stop and restart playing the bowl. Lightly, set two pieces of metal flatware down together on a porcelain dish. Have another individual start scraping another dish in the fashion of the individual already doing the action. Don’t worry if the action isn’t perfectly smooth. Stop playing the bowl. Six seconds later, stop one plate scraping. Have the individual in the hiking boots stomp once again as a baritone mumbles one word of disgruntled small talk. Delicately brush a pickle fork against a ½ full glass. Have one other baritone and a bass speaker respond one after another for ½ second each in intentionally muttered undertones. Stop scraping the dish. Have ½ c. water ungracefully spill from a canvas awning six feet to a brick floor. Continue to the let the water drip. Drop a heavy, plastic, rounded dish on its edge on the wooden table. Click a set of three then a set of two pieces of metal flatware together. Let the dish spin, then settle. Crack ice in hot water. Resume the muttered pleasantries with all voices. Have one voice let out an exasperated grunt/sigh. Pause the conversation. Forcefully, gracefully, unfold and fold an old, rusted folding chair. Lightly tap two pieces of flatware together. Continue the conversation. Two second later, lean on produce scale, and quickly unzip a coat zipper. Run a hand up a stack of six, ceramic plates, slightly nudging each plate. Pause / conversation only for two seconds. Unseal a plastic zipper bag. After one second, roll a metal chopstick on a ceramic plate one inch. After one second, strike across a narrowly ribbed strip of vinyl with sharp piece of thick plastic. Play another copper bowl lined with water, with a wider mouth than the one before. Remove weight from produce scale. Stop conversation. Very, very, very softly, continue playing bowl. After six seconds, gently lay a ceramic saucer face down on the table. After two more seconds, gently place a wooden spoon, handle down, in a one-gallon metal bowl with your non-dominate hand. Cautiously, place two teacups on two saucers. Rapidly, add and remove weight from the scale twice. Quietly and elegantly, stir a liquid in a porcelain teacup. Stop playing bowl. Set flatware on pile of six plates. Pause for two seconds. End.