overcoming of addiction, commodity

Preface:
I wonder if my dads allergies were "a reaction" to transition from his childhood's dry, deserted (, and sterile), landscape of small town southern california.

I wonder if mine were "a reaction" to transition from my dry, deserted (, and sterile), landscape of suburban in-doors.

Granted I've never lived in a suburban household for more than a year or so.

Granted I have spent plenty of time climbing trees as a child, crawling through the woods, etc.



Seems like the allergies started in conjunction with climbing websites all day, crawling through computers, video-games

blue, electric light pouring into a visual cortex never felt good,

when trying to sleep, closing eyes in the dark, harangued by footprinted, echoing, shadows of flashes light.


a stagnancy of language.


feeling out the dichotomy of those living green beings and the mass producted culture screaming whispers, waves through the social scene,

wordless words (social winds) of writhing addiction, behavioral.

coffee and computer screens and candy cigarettes

candy

cigarettes

cigarette candy vending machines at every fucking highschool.


"mid-life crises" and commodified (labeled) sexual/genderal tendency resignatory dropout placebos:

(segno sign) whether warranted of its own genuineness or not (al coda), did the transition from your "old-self" supply enough (subconcious medicating schema, new labels) image to convince you out of the (again labeled commodified away from its truly amalgamous existence) depression (really just rooted in all the other bull shit)?


somehow I always managed to find a problem with my body to explain failures,

"oh i've got asthma, count me out of soccer running, its a disability, certainly why I was the worst one in the past."

Not to say that any of those disabilities weren't genuine (aka (dal segno al coda) (coda sign)) and not to say that that means they didn't get used.

When I liked something, I wanted to own it. When it was a fault, I wanted to distantiate my self from it, often by objectivizing my body as a physical circumstance (thus avoiding shame) and then trying to find some way to medicate the external, inanimate problem.

as this behavior, generalized or metaphored, finds applications seeping across the contiguous whole of physico-psychico experience/body, it wasn't long before I began to attempt those objectivizational diagnostics, medicating social tendencies and psycho (turning logical) phenomena.


naturally, addiction creeps in all over the place.

(geez I really need some
coffee, cigs, movies, guitar, sex, candy, exercise, sleep, food, friends
(objects, commodities)
to
feel good, feel better, relax, chill out, wake up)


today I was outside, it was warm, sunny, and the grass is tall as shit. naturally, I started sneezing.

allergies.

but I remembered to say no, like that time I decided to stop hiccupping.

it took some more sneezes, but things wound down. I identified the experience of allergen, the scent, the irritation

and relaxed.

it was a different kind of medication, not demanding distantiation. an ownership. a choice.

breathing, beating, choice.

postface:
The underlying banality of a sociability carved by normativity, corroborated by commodification, terrifies the deeply entrenched individual attempting to realize the situation and generates a reversion into a state of denial pressing submission to the addictive behavior fed in return for a commodified life, stifling enthusiastic ingenuity through the general division of Play into what are referred to as "work" and "play," the division of Art into what are referred to as "utility" and "art." Though not necessarily its intention, commodification is ignorant to global drug abuse and addictive behavior, manifested most apparently and most recognized in chemical dependency, most surreptitiously in marketing strategies which employ the commodified other, referred to as “art,” and most sadly in the commodification of the personality, orientation, gender, identity. Furthermore, the popular recognition of “chemical dependency,” detracts critical attention from the general, addictive behavior driving hordes of individuals to perpetuate its market.